"I Share, Therefore I Am."

If a girl doesn't post a picture of the gift her significant other got her for Valentine's Day, did she receive a gift at all?

In my Psych 101 class one day, a couple of years ago, my professor presented us with the quote, "I share, therefore I am." (Obviously, this was a parody of the famous Descartes quote, "I think, therefore I am.") He asked us to explain what the quote meant to us, and its significance in our lives. 

"I share, therefore I am." With our ever-increasing use of social media, we cease to exist if we stop updating. We become virtual ghosts enshrouded in a degree of mystery that can be summed up with the question, "Whatever happened to so and so?"

 Social media has made it so that the first thought that pops into our heads upon receiving a gift is "I have to take a picture, and share this with all my friends." Not, "Oh wow, thank you (insert name here.) I'm so thankful to have you in my life." I used to fall victim to these thoughts and have since then had to cognitively re-wire my pattern of thinking to avoid these selfish notions. When I hear girls talking about their future proposals, and they include demands such as "My nails better be done," and "There had better be a photographer," my stomach turns itself into knots. 

Why have our personal lives become so public?

I'm not blaming anyone, here. This has become the natural progression of our society and not any one person is at fault. It's instinctual at this point. Like some sort of reflex that we have been conditioned to. "If I post a pretty picture of my gifts, then I receive lots of likes." "If I receive lots of likes, then I am considered popular." It's an obsession that keeps building on itself, until it consumes our thoughts. Something good happened to me; I have to post it. Something funny happened to me; I have to post it. Something horrible happened to me; I have to post it.

"But PJ, I'm just taking pictures so that I can remember all of the good times that have happened to me." You say completely offended and/or in desperation. And to you I have to say, no you're not. What we've created is a defense mechanism to convince ourselves that what we're doing is for memories, instead of our own superficial purposes. Memories - sounds convincing, right? But think about how we've acquired those pictures. We're having a good time at some event and/or vacation and/or whatever but we can't stop obsessing over taking pictures. We arrive, we take pictures. We do something fun, but we can't participate for long because we're busy taking a picture of it. Throughout the entire thing we're obsessing over taking the perfect picture that captures how much fun we're having/how pretty we are having fun/how perfect our life is so that we can upload it and share the picturesque representation of it. We're ruining our perfect experiences by trying to show that they were perfect.

My best memories have not been captured in any form. My best memories are intimate, personal experiences that have been shared between myself and the person or the select few people that were there with me. The most special gifts I've ever received have never been shared with anyone. Those memories are what I cherish because only myself and maybe a few others remember them. They're secret. They're personal. They're special. 

That's why you didn't see any posts concerning my Valentine's Day. On Facebook? No. On Twitter? No. On Instagram? No. I mentioned it once here on my blog because I consider the couple people who read this to be a smaller, more intimate audience who I try to share certain details of my life with because they've indicated a level of interest. On the same token, if you were to ask, I would happily share the gifts I received/what my day consisted of! Because by asking you're presenting a level of friendship that has generated genuine interest. Shoving pictures of my happiness in your face when they're not wanted transforms my pictures of happiness into pictures of disdain. 

All of this being said, I love Valentine's Day. This isn't some Grinch post complaining about the so-called "Hallmark Holiday." It's a day filled with love, and doing self-less acts for others to show how much you care about them. But wouldn't it be that much more special if you didn't have to post every single aspect of it? Wouldn't it feel that much more intimate if you shared something between you and your partner that the entire world didn't know about? That's my prerogative, at least, and maybe you disagree with me. 

Am I saying you should stop uploading to social media altogether? No. I think it's a wonderful tool to keep in touch with those who you care about. Share your big, happy moments! When I get into dental school, I plan on sharing it full-blast. What I'm saying is that you don't have to share every intimate detail of your life. You don't have to share every rose you received, every cute thing your significant other did for you, every little detail of your relationship. To me, it cheapens the thought that went behind it, and removes the level of intimacy between you and your partner. It's okay not to share. You don't have to share, to be.

Until next time,
PJ