Why I Quit
Dentistry had been my dream since I was in middle school. Grown-ups would ask me “what do you want to be when you grow up?” And much like the elf on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I would answer them with “a dentist!” The adult’s face would light up at the prospect of a little girl growing up and getting a “real” job and my future career choice would become further solidified in my mind.
The odd thing was I had absolutely no idea why I wanted to become a dentist. I didn’t even go to the dentist until I was in 12th grade since growing up we didn’t have dental insurance. My entire desire to become a dentist stemmed back to one conversation I had with a friend of mine in the fifth grade.
“Dentists get paid a ton of money and don’t even do anything! That would be a great job.” My 10 year old friend offered up her career advice in the middle of an elementary school classroom. I agreed. Doing nothing and making a lot of money? Sounds great.
Fast-forward 13 years and I’m wrist deep in a man’s mouth scraping crud off of his molars wondering how the hell I ended up this situation.
Dentistry is not a bad career. It’s a great career - if you enjoy it. It was after I had finished my first semester of dental school when I realized that I did not enjoy it. Anyone who’s ever been in a program or job that they just knew wasn’t right for them knows the feelings I experienced. It’s this ache in your stomach every morning when your alarm goes off. It’s a cloud of doom that rains on your head all day. It’s this constant fear of the future and not ever wanting the next day to come.
I was trapped. I had no tangible, real reason to leave. My grades were amazing, my patients loved me, the scholarship my school had given me was covering the majority of my expenses and from the outside looking in it appeared as though I had it all. The only thing I didn’t have was my happiness.
And then my dad died. Just when I had thought things couldn’t possibly get worse, they exponentially did.
It was right after the first week of my fifth semester in dental school when my mom called me and told me that my dad didn’t have much time left. Not wanting to relive the details of what was possibly the worst month of my life, I’ll sum up the time with a quote my dad had told me on one particularly bad day:
“Life takes 10 seconds.”
All we have is 10 seconds. And I was not going to spend the rest of my life in a career that would ruin mine.
After I left dental school, I could breathe again. Why did those adults all smile and nod at me when I had said I wanted to become a dentist? Why did they even ask a little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up in the first place? Let kids figure things out on their own. Is every person in a career they were forced to pick for themselves too soon and now they’re too terrified to leave?
The issue with dental school, and all colleges, is that us students have no real idea if we’ll even like what we’re getting trained in. And after some of us have dumped thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars into a program, we come to the realization that we’ve made a huge mistake. But there’s a strict no take backsies clause when it comes to the US education system. Your student loan debt becomes a monthly reminder of your career choice ineptitude.
For the time being, I’ve been kind of… floundering. A huge passion in my life has always been writing, so I’ve been doing some freelance jobs. I’ve also applied to graduate school for a program that I really love and didn’t pick simply because of the size of its paycheck. I wake up everyday excited for the future - a feeling I haven’t experienced in the longest time.
If you’re in a situation that you know is wrong, it is never too late to leave and start a new life for yourself. Be a dreamer. Maybe it’s not going to pay your bills at first but I know from experience that you’re going to feel a whole lot richer. I was too scared to leave a program that physically made me sick for a year and a half because I was petrified of what other people would think of me. But your life isn’t their life. Your 10 seconds isn’t their 10 seconds.
Tick tick.
Thank you so much for this post. I have all the same feelings you had except I went from a microbiology graduate program to now applying to dental school (and hopeful acceptance). Your description of the ache in your stomach every morning, the constant stress cloud I had every time I went into lab was spot on. I think it's a feeling that only someone who has actually experienced it would understand. I remember not even recognizing myself when I looked into the mirror, but not being able to describe all these feelings to any friends because I thought they "just wouldn't get it." It was beyond just "feeling stressed" because I knew I was in the wrong career for me. I realized this way too late, since I was at the end of my program working on my thesis defense. I had already completed all the coursework and requirements, and it was just too late to stop and leave the program. I credit going to a therapist (this was still pre-ACA days) that helped me get to defense day. Let's hope I will conquer this DAT first before applications!
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